your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
