I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
