I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
