After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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