We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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