I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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