Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
