if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
