dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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