he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
