I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
