I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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