I love black thongs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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