my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
