so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
