and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
