I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
