Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
