ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
