dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
