If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
