i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
