i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
