Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
