glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
