why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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