I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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