apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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