What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
