Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
