Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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