I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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