Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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