the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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