At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
