whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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