Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
