I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
