I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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