Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
