I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
