I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
