Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
