I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
