We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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