Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
