so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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