And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And then my night got REAL pukey
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I love you. Go after that dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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