the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
God, I missed his penis.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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