k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I party with great urgency now.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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